So I asked my trusty group of NCT friends for help with this one, and between us we came up with a bit of a list: 101 Things to Do One-Handed While Breast, Bottle Feeding or Expressing.
#1: Text/call/WhatsApp said group of NCT friends…about what’s normal with your baby, the colour of their poo (add photo if needed), their sleeping patterns, what time they woke up that day, any social arrangements, top tips, useful websites, word-of-mouth advice, cute baby pictures, crochet instructions and completed projects, swimming lesson info.
Anything really. Basically all the stuff you can share in person when you meet up later that day/in 30 minutes if only you could get the baby to sleep.
#2: Google whatever your baby is doing/not doing to check whether it’s normal.
You can waste a lot of time doing this. Google issues with your baby, as one friend put it (don’t actually type ‘issues with your baby’ into Google unless you want to know about acid reflux)
I’ve been assured that this is impossible.
#4: Read a book.
Bridget Jones’ Baby is a current favourite. It also explains why she rushes straight to hospital when her waters break (strong and regular contractions). Plus it has Daniel Cleaver in as the main love interest. You can’t go wrong.
#5: Do one-handed Rubix Cube.
Thanks to my work colleague for sarcastically suggesting this.
#6: Stare round the room and mentally zap everything into a tidier location.
A current favourite.
#7: Operate the TV remote.
To watch TV, obviously.
#8: Stroke your pet.
No, this isn’t a euphemism.
#9: Type (a blog, letter of resignation, email) one-handed.
Harder and slower than it looks.
#10: Go Internet shopping on your phone.
There’s a reason for Amazon and Sainsbury’s home delivery.
#11: Play Candy Crush
Or whatever game is currently in fashion, possibly with the exception of Pokemon Go.
#12: Admire/stroke your baby’s head/other cute body part
This should probably come higher up.
#13: Take cute photos of aforementioned baby
#14: Practise finger-strengthening exercises for climbing
Easy if you have a manual breast pump.
#15: Eat Christmas dinner
Or any dinner, for that rate.
#16: Cuddle your baby
Should probably come higher, too. Good for releasing that oxytocin
#17: Address Christening invites/birthday cards/envelopes in general
#18: Drink a (cooled down) hot beverage
#19: Pull on a wind-up toy to keep baby entertained
#20: Organise a Christening via e-mail
#21: Video your baby being cute
#22: Scroll through and sort photos
#23: Bite baby’s fingernails to keep them trimmed
#24: Play Solitaire on your phone
#25: Push a buggy (if you’re walking along while feeding)
#26: Feed the ducks (ditto)
#27: Google baby products
#28: Read Pampers/Bounty/Emma’s Diary/Boots email updates on your baby’s development
#29: Play a board game
#30: Do your make-up
#31: Search for houses on Right Move
You obviously need more space now you’ve got a 30cm baby, right?
#32: Look at weird toys on the IKEA website, like this snail hat
It’s small and beige
#33: Teach baby to hold the baby
#34: Sing to baby
#35: Speak a foreign language to baby
So they become a child genius
#36: Teach baby 1-5 and A-E
This requires the baby to be present (which he/she may not be if you’re expressing).
#37-101: Think of what else you could do with that spare hand