It’s Not Like in the Films (or TV shows)

How many people have watched that episode of Friends where Rachel gives birth? Or the one with Phoebe and the triplets? Or the film ‘Bridget Jones’ Diary’? Let me tell you now: it’s not like that.

Let’s start with Bridget Jones. Her waters break and she’s on the way to hospital. I mean, seriously, Bridget: did you not attend the ante-natal class where it says only to panic if your waters are tinged with meconium (the baby’s first poo) or blood? Did Mark Darcy, with his impeccable attention to detail, not listen either? What happened to Zen Bridget, who would have seen out the first stage of labour at home while eating Ben & Jerry’s? Did you not think to call the hospital before rushing (in the arms of Darcy and that guy from Gray’s Anatomy) half-way across London? While we’re on that subject, I’m sure you would have fit on aforementioned Silver Fox’s motorbike.

Then we have Friends. Phoebe gives birth to triplets, and pretty much hands them straight over to her brother Frank and his scary old-enough-to-be-his-mother wife. So what happened to Phoebe’s colostrum? Or breast-feeding in general? Was she tandem feeding the triplets and secretly living in Frank and Alice’s apartment for the following six months? Or did her milk never come in? So many questions.

On the subject of multiple births, how did Chandler and Monika feed the twins? Again, they were handed straight over from Erika with less than a day in hospital. What of the paperwork?

And Rachel Green. AKA Jennifer Aniston. No one gives birth and looks that good straight after. Again, we have the whole breastfeeding issue, which is never raised. Emma comes out looking like a 12-week old baby (I know this because my son is that age. Newborns are like little birds) and somehow is ‘fed’ and ‘can’t be hungry’ in that episode where Aunt Monica is called upon to rock her to sleep, while Rachel/Jennifer lounges around in the living room. In reality, she would be trying to feed Emma every two hours and rocking her to sleep herself, while stumbling around in that newborn fog which doesn’t seem to lift until at least 10 weeks. OK, I know the show is a comedy and supposed to be entertaining, but I can honestly say I haven’t seen a single film or TV programme which has adequately prepared me for childbirth (‘things I wish I’d known’ will be the subject of my next post).

So as I say in my ‘about’start a new post. page, I want to debunk a few myths. Share a few things. And hopefully provide some useful information and links to blogs, pages and products which I’ve found really useful so far.

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